he said, she said

Fifteen years ago today I became his wife and he became my husband.  We recited the traditional wedding vows and fed each other cake and left the building as Mr. and Mrs. Sweeney.

Fifteen years and five kids later, here we are.

If you've missed it, I told our dating and engagement story on our eleventh anniversary, titled "LOVE is a verb".

For our twelfth anniversary, I wrote the glass blower which talked about how the seasons of marriage change with time.

I seemed to have skipped year thirteen, but last year I wrote a letter to my 22 year-old self as I was reflecting on fourteen years of marriage.

This year I decided on a "He Said, She Said" question and answer format.  It is always fun to hear from his side of the marriage relationship.  His honest answers make me giggle and cherish him that much more.

1.  What do you remember about your decision to propose?

He Said:  We had a fight over whether your dog would live indoors or outdoors.  We didn’t speak for three days and I quickly decided that life was empty without you and I needed to seal this deal quickly.

She Said:  I didn't propose, but I knew we were heading that direction.  I knew that he was the man I wanted to marry.  We had the same values, enjoyed doing the same things, and made each other laugh.  And we still do.  I'm so glad he asked!

2.  How has marriage been different or the same as your expectations as a single adult?

He Said:  I entered marriage with the delusion that it would be the same as being a single adult (I was 22 after all) except I would be living with my best friend.  This naïve belief was quickly shattered within the first month and led to a tumultuous 18 months of marriage.  However, during that time I never questioned my decision since I had sampled three days without Laurie and knew that was untenable (as a first born I don’t mind a little conflict in my life….keeps it interesting).

She Said:  Marriage has been very different than I expected as a very young single adult.  Luckily, now I haven't known any other life.  I have several friends who got married at a much more mature age than we did, so I'm sure they had time to savor or lament the single life.  Not me.  Being married at 22 years old means that we had to do a lot of our adult maturing together - and that's messy. 

We had to figure out how to live on our own, build a relationship, succeed at our work, balance our extended families, and just put the puzzle of our life (and individual lives) together.  Not to mention adding our first child at 26 years old.  Managing finances was much more complicated than I expected (must we really have a plan for the future? ;-)) 

Conflict within marriage was so much harder than I anticipated and we had to work through many years - and still even now - of learning to resolve conflict in a healthy way (I'm a middle child, so I RUN from conflict).

3.  What has marriage taught you?

He Said: 
-  Choosing your spouse is the ABSOLUTELY most critical decision you will EVER make in your life and you better choose wisely (seek wise read OLD counsel).
-  The world doesn’t actually revolve around me.
-  Physical aspects of marriage are incredible, but make up an infinitesimal fraction of married life.
-  Love/speak to your spouse the way they want to receive words/love, not how you want to give it.
-  I am lucky/blessed to be married to Laurie Kate Sweeney.

She Said:
-  Ditto to all the above although insert Kenyon in his last point.
-  I will add that marriage has taught me (the hard way) that I find joy and contentment when I stop focusing on myself and look for opportunities to serve others.  For the last decade and a half, that has meant serving my husband and children.  I have not always been good at it and often have to learn the same lesson over and over.  Marriage works better when each parties are more concerned with the other's needs.  It is not easy, but it is true.
-  Things usually change for the better as soon as I find a way to be content with how they are now.  Contentment is a decision.

4.  If you haven't addressed it in the previous answers, what is/was the toughest part of marriage?  Or do you have a biggest regret?

He Said:
-  Worrying about finances and allowing this to be a flash point in our relationship.
-  Not choosing my words more carefully in conflicts in our first 2 years of marriage (or occasionally in the present).

She Said:  The toughest part for me has for sure been times of conflict.  Well, equal to it is deciding to die to myself and put my husband before me.

My biggest regret is hanging onto unforgiveness.  I wasted so much time with grudges and if I could go back and do it better, I would.

5.  What is your favorite memory (excluding births) in your marriage?

He Said: 
-  Laughing with each other (i.e. Naples liquor store run, Pop up camper malfunction at Utah Lake, Boys “rafting” down CJ’s stream, listening to Car Talk on way to Moab, etc…)

She Said:  My favorite memories are the relaxing times that we have been able to appreciate "just us" by getting away from all the noise of everyday life.  Whether we get away for one overnight at Stein's, or a weekend in Palm Desert, or ten days in Ireland, we always laugh and connect and come home refreshed in our relationship.  Above all, we are reminded that we really like each other.

6.  What are your marriage goals looking forward?

He Said:
-  To LIKE each other more in 30 years than we do today.  (side note:  we really do like each other now).

She Said:  I really want to work to out-serve each other.  We are always happier when we are working to make the other's needs above our own.  I am mindful of the fact that we won't have a houseful of kids forever and when they're gone, we need to like being together.

I also want to make time alone together a priority.  We recently realized that our date nights alone have become a thing of the past, but really enjoyed our time together one day when we had to repair something together at our rental property.  We decided that our evenings are busy with five kids, so we're going to get a sitter for breakfast or lunch dates instead and enjoy the daytime together.

7.  What is your favorite quality of your spouse?

He Said:
-  Sense of humor
-  Drive to care for those in need
-  Desire to love me selflessly
-  Independent & strong

She Said: 
-  Sense of humor
-  Willingness to father a huge family (and work to father each one well) 
-  Drive to provide for this huge family 
-  Willingness to apologize with a humble and sincere heart (even going so far to use the word "jacka$$" in reference to his behavior, which never fails to make me laugh)
-  Passionate about people and things that matter to him.
-  Loyal always

focus on the good, not the sucky

It is 9:09 p.m.  I have five kids upstairs in bed and asleep.  The kitchen is minimally cleaned up, but I still have to make three of the four lunches for school tomorrow because Sauce decided to make his own tonight (he also put away his clean laundry without being asked - who is that kid???).

It feels like 11:45 p.m.

I ran into a friend at the park today (on account of the rare warm spell) who joked with me that she is stalking my blog for an update.

There is such a mixed bag of what goes on each day, and it is against my nature not to share both.  So, I'll start with the sucky, and because we are all focusing on the good, I will end with that.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Sucky:

• I had to get out of bed ten times last night.  Maybe more.  She wakes up scared to death - anywhere between two and ten times each night.
• Sleep apnea might be contributing to her night troubles and we're investigating that medically.
• I had to work hard to muster a smile for anyone this morning and there was more than one tear.
• Squirt's adjustment has manifested in fear of bad guys and often being sad when I drop him off at school.
• I am ready to fire the housekeeper.  Wait, I don't have one.  I cannot keep my house clean for the life of me - even to my sadly low standards.
• My new state of family-cocoon works to prevent me from seeing friends socially.  I saw a couple of preschool parents by chance at the park this morning as I was trying to exhaust my daughter enough to submit to a long(er) nap (failed by the way).  I realized that this has to be the new normal for now.
• I don't answer a lot of phone calls or initiate them either.
• For now, I can't handle more than finding my balance in my new normal.

Good:

• Our boys ADORE their sister.  They have been the loft to my balloon when I'm discouraged.  Even when she is rotten to them, they are nothing but devoted to her.
• She goes to bed without protest and has adapted to a bedtime routine beautifully.
• We are still getting meals from loving friends (we've been home since 3/29).  I have already announced to all dependent parties that I have forgotten how to cook.
• Every day I take tags off of new items of clothing for Joya.  And I haven't purchased a thing on my own dime.
• She lets me put "pretties" in her hair and we admire my work together.
• Through our pre-bedtime rocking chair time, she has learned where her nose, ears, eyes, hair, mouth, and fingers are.  We work on more each night.
• She understands everything we say in English.  I'm sure she's going to start spouting out sentences when we least expect it.
• Normally not ticklish or physically playful, today I got some full blown belly laughs when I gobbled on her armpits during a diaper change.  And she wanted more.  Smile.
• Despite my Beloved's busy travel schedule, I have been able to keep up with the Taxi-Mom demands of the boys' schedules.
• I take great joy in my boys' enjoying their interests.  We have spring soccer going on and The Hunter and my man both read The H^nger Game$ series together (I read them last year).  I know there is controversy surrounding exposing kids to this series, but for this boy it was a great opportunity to connect and talk about big life topics and I'm glad we encouraged him.
• I have great adoptive moms in my life who only need a one-sentence text from me before they call to encourage me through the tough stuff.  No offense, but now I know you have to go through it to understand.
• Last weekend I was able to go to Denver to the "Empowered to Connect" conference based on the book "The Connected Child" and the work of Dr. Karyn Purvis, PhD. and Director of the TCU Institute of Child Development.  I learned more about investing in my home-grown kids than I ever imagined and came home encouraged and ready to start fresh.  Plus I slept without interruption for TWO nights while I was away.
• My neighbor brought me a beautiful potted orchid yesterday and wasn't offended in the least when I had to cut our visit short to put my tired girl down for her too-short nap.
• One of my very best friends here knows I'm sleep deprived and struggling to ride the waves of this new journey.  Each morning she texts me an encouragement from scripture and asks how she can pray for me and if she can help me by doing a grocery run or other tangible task.  Did I mention that she has six kids of her own???  I am one lucky lady.
• I could go on with the good, but I will end with the fact that this "trial" which is really such joy mixed with adjustment, has enriched my marriage to a wonderful new level.  My Beloved has been transformed by the emotion/struggle/joy/fullness of our experience.  He is more tender and passionate about all of us.  He is quick to find humor as well as flexible to our unpredictable needs despite the demands on him to provide financially for this family of seven.  Next month we will celebrate 15 years of marriage.  He is the rock that keeps us all centered and I simply adore him.

re-entry

Hello friends.

I can tell you that the number of responses we received while we were in China, combined with the requests for updates within the five days we have been home have been heartwarming and overwhelming.  Thank you for your love and support during this life changing experience.  We woke up every morning in China and would immediately boot up our iPad to see what you all had to say to us while we were sleeping via blog, faceb**k, or email.

You gave us a support network and a connection to "home," and we thank you sincerely.  We think your support is priceless.

Our experience is going to take several (many?) posts to do justice, so while I have your ear (eyes?), I will tell you that I intend to do so.  Be patient with me because between my body's (as well as my daughter's) lagging time zone acknowledgement, as well as managing FIVE kids, will require an act of God to get regular blog posts out to you.

Start praying people.  Um, I meant now... yeah, take a break and pray. ;-)

So, in characteristic form, this sleep-deprived post will end in pertinent bullet points devoted to the "need-to-know" (or maybe the slightly entertaining):   (YES, I LIKE USING PARENTHESES TONIGHT!!!!!)

• We returned to find out that our generous friends from various circles have signed up to bring us dinners every other night until the end of April (and one supply of rockin' frozen banana pancakes to microwave on my many my crazy mornings).  My dear friend Deb, who also hosted my awesome toddler shower in January, coordinated it all and we are just in awe.  Side note:  I am the girl who will NEVER turn down an offer for a dinner I don't have to make myself!!!  All we can say is THANK YOU!!!!  Such a simple thing helps so tremendously (especially for this non-cook)!!!
• My dear friend Amy, who first introduced me to orphans with my trip to a Russian orphanage in 2006, has offered (okay, agreed to) creating Joya's "Gotcha Video" because she is UBER talented on the video-making-to-drive-you-to-tears-and-cherish-forever stuff.  Now, I just have to mail her the jump drive with the 5 GB of photos and video.  Put aside your box of tissues now.  No, I'm serious.  Do it!
• My mom and favorite aunt were here for eight days before we came home (taking over for my only and cherished sister/BFF/soulmate to take care of our boys) and stayed until today.  We could not have made it through jet lag and Joya's crying nights without their help during the days.   How do you ever say an adequate thank you for such great sacrifices?  We are without words.  Mom - my husband is thinking of moving you in with us just for more of your sandwiches.
• Joya is doing well considering we have only had her with us for 15 days, counting the 4.5 days here at home.  My Beloved made an accurate observation that her "renewed" grief since we've been home is likely because she is so stinkin' smart (save for college or not?) and has pieced together the fact that she is now with the people she has seen in her photo book for months now, and realizes that she is never returning to live with her foster family.  She cries out in the night for her foster mom and expresses genuine anxiety and panic when she realizes that it is close to bed time (which we did NOT see at any of our stops in China).  Her grief is inconsolable and I am jealous for the newborn experience when I could comfort and nurse a child back to sleep.  Not so now.  I ride the wave and die to my own desires - purely by asking and receiving from God's grace (my BFF's will tell you that I am NOT a woman who functions well on sleep deprivation).  She has been through a pure trauma and I will not traumatize her even more.
• She is having GREAT days though.  Awake time is happy time filled with puzzles, playing, eating, and learning.  Very fun and we are really enjoying it - every one of us.
• The boys are LOVING it.  Kenyon has mentioned that if we didn't have the support of our little men for our new pink addition, he just might have thoughts of regretting the decision.  But he doesn't because he is just smitten with her in every way, shape, and form, and so are our men.
• Her attachment to her Daddy has lessened from panic to affection.  We both realize that it was really an attachment of safety and security, not of emotional connection.  That is okay with us for sure, but we are both looking forward to connecting with her in a GENUINE and growing love for each other.  It is growing and changing every day.
• I am so grateful for my in-laws and their willingness to honor my request to come from Pennsylvania for my boys' spring break.  These grandparents definitely wanted to meet our new addition, but they are going to be such a help to us while the boys are on break and Joya still needs quite a bit of attention in order to bond with her mommy and daddy.  My husband's mom has a special gift for cooking projects, treasure hunts, and group outings.  I asked, and they honored.  Again, thank you just doesn't cut it.
• I still have so much to say about our trip.  I want to tell you about the reality of adoption, the amazing organization "Love Without Boundaries", and the complete dissolving of our "American" impression of the nation and people of China.  So, at the very least, count on that from me.
• And pictures..... lots of pictures.  (C'mon, you know I love the shock value!!!)

her story - part five

Go here for PART ONE.

Go here for PART TWO.

Go here for PART THREE.

Go here for PART FOUR.

Our journey to being matched with our daughter had resulted in fulfilling confirmations of our decision to move forward.  We shared the news to everyone we could think of and sometimes just sat dreamily with smiles on our faces while we felt the love in our hearts grow for our daughter.

I mentioned previously the "compressed air" feeling of my emotions toward her, but my man described it perfectly (and hilariously) during the days immediately after our announcement.  "I feel like the Grinch at the end of the movie when his heart starts pounding and his emotions knock him on his rear."

It starts about at about 1 minute 30 seconds in this clip.

Oh how I love my Grinch.

I was recently reconnected with an old high school friend who is adopting from China and was just matched with her daughter as well.  We have exchanged some emails and she told me that she found out the meaning of her daughter's Chinese name.  I realized that I had never even thought to ask about the meaning of our daughter's name, so I wrote to the person at our agency who is Chinese by birth and fluent in Mandarin to ask her to translate for me.

"Rough and tumble", "stands with a fist", or "takes no crap from brothers" would have been perfectly appropriate translations and would have made me confident that she will fit in around here just fine.

But the reply I received was more perfect than anything I could have made up.

Her Chinese name means "In the light of winter".

Seriously, if you've been around for very long on this blog, you know that we live in (what feels like) eternal winter.  Our summers feel like other regions' winters.  In fact, we don't really put out winter clothes away, we just take some shorts and t-shirts out to add to the mix.  We smiled when we realized that our sweetie was made for winter.

Predictably, the cold weather and snow started to blow into our mountain town and in the coming weeks, I had the chore of changing out everyone's summer and winter clothes (well, really just putting away shorts and sandals), including my own.

I came across a treasure that I received nearly 15 years ago to the day.  My dear friend Karen and I met early in our freshman year of college and have always been close.  On the outside, Karen and I can appear quite different.  She like bare feet, I like shoes to protect my soles.  She likes big cities, adventures, and risks into the unknown.  Me, I like small towns, well planned out trips, and certainly knowing what I'm getting into.

On the inside, Karen and I are quite similar and where we differ, we very much compliment each other.  We have shared many cups of coffee and bottles beer over the years sharing our dreams, passions, and lots of laughter.  I am so thankful that we have not lost touch in the 15+ years since we graduated from college and I'm sure that we will still be calling each other in 25 years to share laughter over the births of our grandchildren and sorrows over the loss of loved ones.

When we graduated from college, Karen chose to spend two years in the Peace Corps.  I remember being in the campus library when she came bounding in to tell me where she had been assigned.

"I'm going to China!!!" she told me with a hug and a smile.

And she did.  She spent two years in China at the foothills of the Himalayas teaching English to Chinese high school students.  Although my kids find it hard to believe, we didn't have email during those days, so Karen and I were faithful pen pals across that tremendous ocean.  In the fall of 1996, she mailed me a beautiful piece of artwork from her new home.

This beautiful scroll is a wall hanging that I have kept with me for 15 years.  I have moved it many times from one home to the next, and always had it tucked in a safe place.  In fact, my husband (the de-clutter freak) has suggested many times that I get rid of it because I've never had quite the right place to hang it.  I refused every time, saying that I didn't care if we never hung it up, I would keep it until my dying day because it was dear to me.

Little did I know how dear it really was.

As I was taking out my sweaters and putting away my shorts, I saw the scroll peeking out from the open bin from underneath my bed.  I have looked at it many times in 15 years, but this time I had new eyes to see it with.

The pink flowers and Chinese writing instantly made it the perfect centerpiece for Mrs. Nesbit's bedroom.  I was excited to bring it out and start planning her room around this precious keepsake.

But it gets better.

I have never detached the note that Karen sent with her gift.  I have read this note so many times, but again, with new eyes, I was able to see that God had planned this perfectly.

"October 24, 1996.  Laurie, I like to think of a piece of China hanging on your soon-to-be own apartment wall next to your photographs from all over the world.  The words at the top are a poem that talk about a man who is far away from home that misses his friends and family.  I cannot begin to express how much I long to have you near.  Think of how much I love you when you glance at the plum blossom.  My friend described this winter flower as 'the one that comes out when the others go away.' Always near you, Karen"

Immediately, my eyes filled with tears as the goose bumps formed on my arms.  In all the times I have read this note simply to feel close to my dear friend who has since lived far away from me, never did I dream that the note spoke of my daughter!

Joya will suffer grief in some form as a girl stretched between two continents.  Her love and loyalties will be challenged and distributed.  Although right now, she is lucky enough to be in a loving foster home from just days after she was found, the painful part of that is that she has no idea that she is an orphan.

When she is placed into our arms in a few months, she will not feel relief that she finally has a family.  She will justifiably feel confused and angry and ripped from the only family she has known.  The family she loves.

But we will wait for our little plum blossom to show herself.  We know that she is the winter flower that will blossom with us when the others go away.  We will patiently endure her emotions through the transition and growth into connection with her new family.

Her forever family.  Our family.

her story - part three

Click for PART ONE.

Click for PART TWO.

A sign, a sign, a sign.  "God please give us a sign, whether it be a green light or red one.  A wide open doorway, or a closed vault door with an impossible lock.  Most of all, give us eyes to see the sign.  Give us faith to believe that you're sending it.  Increase our faith in the process."

As if God had not already dealt with us GENEROUSLY where our faith lacked in the financial aspect of this process, now we were asking Him to step in and speak to us specifically about this precious little girl.

Our couples' small group prayed with us for a sign.  My sister prayed for a sign.  My brother prayed for a sign.  I honestly lacked faith that we would see the sign or accept it as coming from God.

Isn't it funny that the Bible tells us Gideon asked for a sign in Judges chapter six though eight and how, when God gave him one, he wasn't satisfied.  He asked for another.

We are no different.  We believe God is there, but it is so easy to question Him at every turn.

When the updated pictures of Mrs. Nesbit came to us, again my Beloved was out of state.  I texted him that the pictures were in his email inbox and he later told me that he was standing in the jetway waiting for his gate-checked suitcase, so he booted up his laptop so he could see her immediately.

When he called me later in the day, I asked him if he looked at the pictures and he responded that he did and he thought they were great.

"Did you notice the color of the motorcycle she was sitting on?" I asked with a grin.

"No....  Was it yellow?" he responded.

"Yup." I answered with a giggle.

'It's a sign! It's a sign!'  I wanted to scream and shout.  I wanted to hear my husband say, "Wow, that's clearly the sign.  God knows about our passion for the YELLOW CAR! game.  What may seem ordinary to others, stands out to our family.  We're good to go!"

But that was all in my head.  I knew that it was not my place to be the Holy Spirit in my husband's life and identify the sign for him.  So, I simply smiled and moved on in our conversation.

We waited for another few days to see if that x-ray would come through, but it never did.

One night Kenyon was sitting on the couch looking through the new pictures on his laptop when Sauce walked behind him and peeked over his shoulder.  Our nine year-old son had no idea he was possibly looking at his little sister.  He blurted out one thing.

"YELLOW CAR!"  (smile)  Then he walked away.  He never even asked who was in the picture.

The next Sunday night we were climbing into bed for the night.  It was late (well, 10:30 is late for me) and I was going to read a couple pages of my current book and then get some shut eye.  I had a very busy Monday coming up and I was exhausted.

My Beloved had other plans.  He put his pillow by my feet and told me he wanted to talk.  I said sure, and had a feeling this would be about Mrs. Nesbit.  I was right.

"How do you feel about all this?" he asked.

"How do you feel?" I said, purposely turning it around on him.

"I feel like you're shutting me out.  Why haven't you been talking to me about her?" he answered.

I then explained that I had been intentionally silent, letting him process the situation we were in and the decision we faced.  In a conversation that took another hour, we faced that decision together.

Kenyon said a couple of things that stand out in my memory.  He told me that he heard a quote by Colin Powell that said something like, "If you can't make a decision on 70% of the information, you'll never be able to make the decision."

He also explained that he had come to the realization that his struggle is with wanting control.  He accepted that this was a decision we would have to make with gaps in the information.

AND that he took note of the yellow motorcycle.  Smile.

"I'm in." is how he summed it up as he positioned his pillow back into the rightful place at the top of the bed.

"What?  Did we just make a decision?" I asked with a trembling voice.

"I don't know if you did, but I did." he answered with a smirk.

Oh my word.  The moment passed me by and I didn't even realize it was happening.  "AAAHHHH!  Can I call my sister?" was the first thing out of my mouth.  It was 11:30 in Utah and my sister works the night shift as a nurse in the Chicago suburbs.

Smiling, he said, "Sure, but don't you think we should name her first?"

We knew all along what her first name would be.  Joya was our favorite girl's name for several babies now.  No one knew that though because I never said it out loud to anyone but my husband in all those years.

We took all of two minutes to settle on Christine as her middle name.  Christine is my sister's middle name.  Amy is my only sister and my best friend.

Less than a minute after that, I had Amy on the phone wondering what in tarnation would have me calling so late.  We shared happy tears and giggles over what lay ahead on this journey.

I was thankful for the sign that God sent to us, however, little did we know that the most profound signs were to come AFTER we made the decisions to be Mrs. Nesbit's forever family.

Curious?  Check back soon.

her story - part two

If you haven't read part one, go HERE.

Although I was assured by our agency that an x-ray is not an unreasonable request and should be easily attained, we were never promised that it would happen.  Every few days, I checked in with my main contact there and quickly made myself "the squeaky wheel."

Inside of a week, we received an update about Mrs. Nesbit, consisting of thorough answers to our follow-up questions and six recent and PRECIOUS pictures of her.

Some of our major concerns were taken off the table simply by reading the updated information about her.  But before we announced to the world that we had a daughter, we decided to wait for the x-ray so that we could have a better assessment of her future surgical needs.

We then entered a time of delicate emotions.  My husband wanted as much information as possible so that he (the amazing provider and planner that he is) could prepare himself for what was ahead and make a confident decision that we were the right family for her and her medical needs.

Being less detailed and more a "step of faith" type of girl, this was a struggle for me.  I wanted to take a chance and believe that whatever need met us in the future, we would rise to the occasion with our best effort and God would take care of the rest.

Not being just a planner, but also a very wise man, my husband told me at one point, "Laurie, I can't be pressured into this by you.  I want to be 100% in this so that down the road when it gets hard, as it surely will, I won't blame you.  I will own it."

Enough said.  He made a great point and it reinforced the vow I made on the day we made the decision to pursue adoption.  I promised myself and God to never be in the driver's seat.  I did not want to pressure or force our family into a direction that my husband (and God) may not be on board for.

I immediately imagined my inner emotions toward this little girl as compressed air inside of me.  I kept them to myself.  I prayed for her, prayed for the process, our decision, for my husband, and for our marriage.

When we did finally get word on the x-ray, it wasn't what we hoped.  Her caretakers had taken her for an x-ray, but she wasn't cooperative (go figure for a 21 month old toddler).  Her caretakers had reservations about sedating her in order to get an x-ray, and Kenyon and I were grateful for that.  The last thing we wanted was to cause her any harm.  I dare say that we were feeling like protective parents already.

Although the information relayed was that they would try again, I think we both realized that it was unlikely that we would get this piece without sedation.

I continued on keeping my mouth shut and letting my husband process this life-altering decision in his own way.  Each time the subject came up, I would answer his question or give a short answer and then let the subject die.  I had full faith that he would make the right decision for our family. And whatever it was, I was dedicated to unity.

In the midst of all this, he also decided that we should ask God for a sign.

Hold the phone here..... my husband is not the "sign from God" type of guy.  In fact, although I consider his faith to be one of the most genuine I know, I often tease him that he can be such a cynic sometimes.  A sign from God can be a tricky thing for a cynic to process.  In fact, this was the first time in the 15+ years that I've known him that he was asking for a sign from God.

Next up, we ask and God delivers.

twas the night before school

Twas the night before school started and all through the house,
Not a boy was stirring because the Melatonin knocked them out.
The backpacks were tossed by the door without care,
With hopes that no homework tomorrow they would bear.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
With the memories of sleeping late still stuck in their heads.
And Mom at the counter, and Dad on a trip,
Both prayed hard that all boys will flourish.

When out of the folders that came home from open house,
Came such a stack of papers Mom was forced to fill out.
She found her favorite pen and a comfortable seat
Because filling them all out would be quite a feat.

Names, grades, parents, and allergies,
Phone numbers, addresses, and who to call in emergencies.
Not so bad if it was just one,
But the three copies ruined the fun.

But she made it through every single last page,
Even though her wrist cramped like someone twice her age.
She let the dog in and locked all the doors,
Then prepped for breakfast so they'd be sure to want more.

She then climbed the stairs with the dog right behind,
And checked on each boy with kisses to remind
That these years are short, though days are long for the parentals,
And someday she would look back and be quite sentimental.

She collapsed into bed and gave a big sigh,
And drifted to sleep to a fan turned on high.
But when the alarm rang, she wiped off her drool,
And said, "GET UP SLEEPYHEADS!!!  IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!"

magnificent

Only Love can leave such a mark
But only Love can heal such a scar.

Our lives have turned some major corners in the past year.  After deciding to discontinue home schooling, we sent our three big boys to the local public elementary school for the first time.  What a very big change all around for us, but we all agree that it was a good choice.

Kenyon left the company he had worked for for his entire 15 years of post-college life.  He took a chance at a new opportunity with a more local company.  Always thinking of his hunting season our family, he had the goal in mind that we wouldn't have to move geographically in order for him to move up in his career.

I couldn't be more proud of him.

As a result, we had say good bye to his company car and purchase a newer family truckster.  This is the first time in our marriage that we've owned (and insured, and repaired, and gassed up) two cars.

I know, poor us.

Shortly after his new job started, my Beloved revived a conversation that I had thought was dead some time ago.

You see, from the time we had a few years of parenting under our belts, the subject of orphans had caught our attention and our hearts.  Kenyon was the one who pushed me to go to Russia in 2006 to spend a week loving on precious children who are without families of their own.

That trip changed me.  I brought home with me faces and names, personalities and memories that defined the word "orphans".  There are an estimated 145 million + orphans globally, and I could not run from them or ignore it anymore.  I hugged them, sang with them, played with them, and said goodbye to them.

Then I came home to my loving family.  When I kissed my kids goodnight, I thought of the rooms with 30 beds filled with kids who don't get stories or snuggles or kisses at bedtime.

When my family was laughing and re-living our day at dinner time, I remembered looking into the rooms where those 30 children ate together - in silence.

My little boys love bubbles and stickers and puppets.  But now those things triggered memories of children who had never seen those things and when the Americans left, would likely not see them again until another group returned.

My kids go to the doctor for simple things like ear infections and yearly check ups.  I spent time with many children with easily correctable medical conditions that will spend their lives labeled and institutionalized.  There is no one advocating for their medical care.

You get the picture now, I'm sure.

For years now, our family has supported orphan care organizations and contributed to adoption funds of several families.  We had considered adoption, but various factors always added up to it not being the right time.

Personally, I didn't know if adoption would ever be written into our family's story.  And I had come to a point of complete peace with that.  If my husband did not want to adopt, then I knew it was not for us.  I shut my mouth and prayed that God would show me where I would fit in to this puzzle.

I am sure you can imagine my surprise when exactly one week into his new job, my man came to me and said, " I really think we should move forward with adopting."

Allrightythen.

Have you ever wanted something so badly for so long and when you finally have the opportunity to get it you question if you really want it?  Yup, that was me.

After about a week of heavy discussion and constant prayer, we filled out the application to adopt a child from China.

That was March 18th.

Last night was a big milestone in the process.  After months of paper chasing background checks, birth certificates, marriage certificates, writing 20 page autobiographies, and visiting doctors to sign off on our health status and our children's as well, our social worker came to do our official home visit.

After two and a half hours of individual and group interviews, she promised us our precious home study report within the next week or so and with that in hand, we will be moving forward toward our ....

daughter.

We are all so very excited to start on this journey.  We hope you will join us with your prayers and support.  We hope that by this time next year we will be settled home as a family of seven.

I know, the poor girl will never go on a date with four big brothers and a dad - all with weapons.

More to come soon.  And, needless to say, I'm taking suggestions for new blog names. 

it's five o'clock somewhere

Shall I say "Part One?"

Welcome to my periodic series recognizing the end of a long day - or possibly even several trying days in a row - with a rant and a glass of wine (well deserved, in my opinion).

Our household has been passing around yucky-fever-cough-snot-congestion-can't-sleep-staying-home-from-school-whiny-fussy-watery-eyed-only-want-mommy-illness for the past week.

Our little Squirt definitely had it the worst with fevers nearing 104 degrees and lots of crying for a boy who normally does a lot of smiling.

A trip (with four kids in tow) to the pediatrician won him the prize diagnosis of an ear infection and a trip through the drive-thru... pharmacy.

During our prayer time this morning, Sauce prayed that Daddy would be sure to use lots of hand sanitizer on his trip - I'd say we're all sick of being sick if we're going to the Lord about hand sanitizer.

Our neighborhood is having some sort of water issue (picture brown tinged water coming out of the faucet) and we can't use our water to drink or cook with.  Another errand was needed to the fire station where a nice firefighter loaded up my trunk with gallons of tax payer funded free drinking water.  Two days of this and it still isn't resolved.

Call me a spoiled American, but if I have running water in my house, I would like to actually, ahem, use it.

There are some more little punks at school giving my eldest a hard time and I'm growing weary of guiding him to rise above their crap antics.  I'm about ready to tell him to unleash his recently acquired cuss words karate training on them to silence them - no matter the consequences from the principal.

My beloved is on the east coast receiving some specialized training for his job, but I sure could have used him here today to kick some butt when my two middle muddles, Sauce and Rufus, couldn't get along for the life of them (for no particular reason at all, I might add).

In an attempt to "aid" their reconciliation, they spent quite a bit of time holding hands.  Then they graduated to sitting cheek-to-cheek when they still couldn't find love for each other.  Sauce was still having a hard time cooling down his hot temper, so I'm sorry to say that he was shoved out on the front porch (high temperature of 29 degrees today) and his fed up mother someone promptly locked the doors behind him.

He heard the muffled instructions to, "Calm the heck down!" through the door.  After about five minutes of teeth chattering, he came in to reluctantly make peace with his younger brother.

I thought I was feeling better, but tonight I can't take a breath without an over exaggerated coughing fit.

But since my beloved won't return until late tomorrow night, I'm heading upstairs to curl up with my body pillow that fills his vacant spot - and a healthy shot of Nyquil.

yellow school bus day

During the last couple of years I could be often heard saying, "It's a yellow school bus day!"  That meant that home schooling was particularly challenging that day.

Today was the real deal.  My fourth grader The Hunter and my second grader Sauce started school today.   And all the anticipation we've been feeling for weeks and months ended.

We had a great morning.  Mom woke up before everyone else due purely to nerves so I could get showered and ready first.  We woke up the boys at 6:45 and they hopped right up and got dressed in the clothes they excitedly laid out last night.

We then huddled up with blankets in our chilly living room for our family Bible time.  We took this recommendation from the book "Going Public" by David and Kelli Pritchard.  We've been reading together on and off all summer, but plan to do this every morning before school from here on out.  Five Psalms and one chapter of Proverbs each morning.

It's so fun to hear the examples that the boys apply to God's word.  There is truth at every maturity level.

Then they all hopped up to the breakfast bar and devoured some cereal.  I ushered them upstairs to get hair combed and teeth brushed.  We took the lunches that I made last night out of the refrigerator and put them in their backpacks and headed off for the bus.

A couple of neighbors were gathered at the end of our street waiting for our bus driver Joe.

Unfortunately, Squirt is three-going-on-seven and thought he was going with his brothers on the cool school bus.

Not so, youngling.

I didn't want to cry in front of the neighbors need to cry with all the tears that Squirt was spilling.  But I caught my Beloved choked up as the bus doors closed.

why our long winters are worth it

About five years ago we started talking about what it would be like to be able to ski with each other again.

It has been a long season of having little ones at home with so many demands on us.  We are finally on the brink of our entire family enjoying the mountain.

Today we enjoyed one heck of a powder day with some good friends.  I'm not in the video, but my man is the last one filmed. 

We were with our friends Deb and Doug who, funnily enough, you can hear crash into each other right after they pass by me.

p.s. I'm aware that my video is too wide.  I'm thinking my new HD Fl!p is just a different format than I'm used to.

sucker!

My beloved and I have been looking forward to this ski season, not for the snow, fresh air, or vertical feet.

We have THREE boys in a locals' ski program this year.

TEN Saturdays.

NINE a.m. until THREE p.m.

For a homeschooling family, this is bliss.  I am with my boys all week, so it is no problem for me to ship them off to ski with excellent instructors for six hours at a time.

PLUS, this is the first year that it hasn't been an overwhelming favor to ask of a friend to watch our angelic little Squirt for a few hours so we can ski together.

OR, my beloved and our crazy friends can drag my butt all over the forbidden parts of our mountain.

May I show you the illustrated version, compliments of my crappy Blackberry phone camera?

Allrightythen.

First off, my husband informed me that the chairlift is actually farther to the left in the trees than my photo shows, but I'm lazy and didn't feel like re-doing the picture.

You get the idea.  We took Jupiter lift up and skied that little hill down.  Then, all in the name of fun, we took our skis off and hiked UP.

About 45 minutes later I joined all the in shape people Kenyon, Pete, and Deb at the top of Pinecone Ridge.

Below are the crazy lunatics that convinced me that this was going to be fun (Kenyon, Deb, and Pete).  I think Deb just likes having another girl hiking with her, but I think she's cool for keeping up with the boys.

Or, she's just happy about the nice nap she had time to take while waiting for me to hike my sorry butt up the mountain.

I realized at this point that all three of them are sales people in the business world and I felt like I got sold a bill of goods.  They are out of my league!

The BAD NEWS was that the snow conditions were sub-par.  To be blunt, it was like navigating skis through thick ice cream.  We all took a few tumbles amidst all our laughter.

The WORSE NEWS is that my posse did not know where in the heck they were going and we found ourselves in a THICK aspen forest.  See Pete disappearing into the trees?

No path, no room, no fun.

In the end, I was a sweaty, sore, frustrated, skeptical woman with broken branches sticking out of my helmet and snow packed down my pants.

We were half an hour late picking up Squirt at Jenny's house.  You can go here to see what she did to fill the time.

Now, if our little ski town would just get about two feet of fresh pow pow, I'll try it again.

With a trail map.

she's the best

I live in the mountains in Utah.  I love it here.

We lack some things here: high taxes, rush hour traffic, crooks obscenely corrupt politicians, city lights, and a congested airport to name just a few.

I don't miss any of those.  I grew up in the Chicago area and thought seeing a handful of stars in the sky was a "wow" clear night.

(can you hear me chuckle?)

I didn't pay the bills when I lived by the windy city, but now that I do pay my own way, I compare our property and sales taxes to Illinois residents' and think, "ouch."

We do lack one thing here that I miss, well two things.

Bears and Cubs.

OK, well we have the real thing out here in the Rockies, but I'm talking NFL and MLB.

The other thing I really miss?  Family.

I got an unexpected package in the mail yesterday.  It wasn't for my kids or my hubby - just me.  I saw it was from my sister Amy - I had no idea what she could be sending me.

My birthday was two months ago and Christmas is still almost two months away (thank God, I'm not ready!).

This little gem was folded up tightly in a padded envelope with a post-it note on the tag:

Aren't sisters the best?

I was having a moment of joyful appreciation of my relationship with Amy and went to show my Beloved what she had sent me.  He misunderstood me a bit (what? a man, misunderstanding a woman??) when I was exclaiming how great sisterhood is.

"So, you wish you had a daughter, is that what you're telling me?" he interjected.

"No, but if you're offering, I'll take you up on it," I replied with a smile and
a wink.

He quickly exited the room quietly laughing and shaking his head.

I'll take that as a firm NO.

have i mentioned it is hunting season?

On the very morning my beloved and I were leaving for our trip to Ireland this past spring, the very first words he said to me when he awoke were:

"I drew a mountain goat tag!"

What?  No, "Darling, I can't wait to go on this once-in-a-lifetime vacation with you!"

His focus was completely on this once-in-a-lifetime tag for a mountain goat that he received an email about late the night before.  You see, Utah has a lottery system for the hunters who would like to hunt some of the more rare big game such as moose, bison, big horn sheep, and mountain goats.

These are true once in a lifetime tags, for each hunter can only pull the tag once.  Unless, say, perhaps, that said hunter puts a wife's son's name in the lottery at a later date!

So, after a successful deer hunt and an intermittent and often revisited pursuit of an elk, the day of the big goat hunt arrived and my husband and eldest son were off to the mountain tops where these placid white goats dwell.

And a quick look from me that shouts, "Really?  You're going hunting again?"

My Beloved often reminds me that we are raising men, and not girls.  So, the "man time" that these hunting trips provides just can't be replicated by all the time and attention in the world from Mom.

Exhibit A:

So these goats were given the first name "mountain" for a reason.  Check out where my men went to find them.

 

 

And at the end of four long days of stalking these herds of billy goats,
TA-DA!!:

You can see above that my man is elated and looks ten years younger than his age.  His little hunting buddy, however, is exhausted and can't muster a smile.  Only a "number one" for that once-in-a-lifetime hunt.

He wasn't flipping us off.

Anyone have any yummy goat stew recipes out there?  Kenyon will make room of his office wall for this guy in a few months, but he will be in our tummies in just a couple of weeks.

that's why it isn't called "harvesting"

Hunting hard.

Early mornings and lots of hiking on tough terrain.

No mountain goat yet.

But a cute picture of a mid-day nap on the mountain (notice one hand on the bow at all times?).

wish a wish to catch a fish

Our boys have been wanting to catch a fish this summer and despite our one lame attempt their dad's best efforts, they have not experienced reeling in a fighter.

Thank God for friends.  Our friend David has his dad's fishing boat for the summer and offered to use one of his few days off of his orthopedic residency to take Kenyon and the older boys for a day of fishing.

David picked up my three sleepy men at 4:30 in the morning and they spent the day on a beautiful reservoir about an hour away.

They had a great day and caught a bunch of HUGE fish.  That night we had their entire family come up for a fish feast and lots of fun.

Thank goodness that David's wife Darcy had a good recipe because I stink at cooking fish.

Here's an early morning catch:

 

The boys had a little too much fun driving the boat, if you ask me.  In fact, The Hunter looked at my beloved while driving and said, "Dad, this is the life!"

It sure is buddy, you have no idea.

When they got back to our house, our little stream came in handy because they just took all the fish down and cleaned them in the freezing cold water.

the big 3-5

Happy Birthday my beloved!

Are we really hitting 35?

Weren't we 22 years old and newlyweds just, like, yesterday?

Amidst all the chaos we have going on in our lives right now, I'm stopping to appreciate the man you are on your 35th birthday.

Although I find it hard to top last year's birthday post, it all still holds true.

You are an amazing man and you never cease to impress me.

Even now as I write this, you are out in the woods with Hunter trying to fill your deer tag and build a better relationship with our boy.

You are such a great example of a man to our boys. Although no human is perfect, I feel you are a perfect example to them for so many reasons.

You are such a hard worker at anything you do, whether employment, chore, relationship, or hobby.

I love that our boys see you take the responsibility of providing for our family seriously. They know that just as you work hard, you also play hard and they get so excited when you pull in the driveway.

I was so proud to watch you walk across the stage as you graduated with your MBA in May. After all the nights and weekends you invested in getting through school, it was a great example of sticking with something until you complete it - even when it is hard.

You hold yourself to such a high standard, even in relationships. You are always looking to help our marriage grow, to love me more, and to grow closer to our four boys.

I love that you are constantly keeping yourself in check to make sure your priorities are holding true. I have so much respect for your honesty and vulnerability in life. I rarely get to apologize first after a disagreement, and in the moment I hate that, but it is really a quality that I want to adopt in my own life.

Again, what a great example you are to our boys that you consistently apologize to them when you are wrong. You are showing them that no one does life perfectly, and it is o.k. to make mistakes. They trust that their dad cares for their hearts and will work to make your relationship right in the end.

Thank you for being The Man that leads my world of men.

Happy Birthday.