it's five o'clock somewhere

Shall I say "Part One?"

Welcome to my periodic series recognizing the end of a long day - or possibly even several trying days in a row - with a rant and a glass of wine (well deserved, in my opinion).

Our household has been passing around yucky-fever-cough-snot-congestion-can't-sleep-staying-home-from-school-whiny-fussy-watery-eyed-only-want-mommy-illness for the past week.

Our little Squirt definitely had it the worst with fevers nearing 104 degrees and lots of crying for a boy who normally does a lot of smiling.

A trip (with four kids in tow) to the pediatrician won him the prize diagnosis of an ear infection and a trip through the drive-thru... pharmacy.

During our prayer time this morning, Sauce prayed that Daddy would be sure to use lots of hand sanitizer on his trip - I'd say we're all sick of being sick if we're going to the Lord about hand sanitizer.

Our neighborhood is having some sort of water issue (picture brown tinged water coming out of the faucet) and we can't use our water to drink or cook with.  Another errand was needed to the fire station where a nice firefighter loaded up my trunk with gallons of tax payer funded free drinking water.  Two days of this and it still isn't resolved.

Call me a spoiled American, but if I have running water in my house, I would like to actually, ahem, use it.

There are some more little punks at school giving my eldest a hard time and I'm growing weary of guiding him to rise above their crap antics.  I'm about ready to tell him to unleash his recently acquired cuss words karate training on them to silence them - no matter the consequences from the principal.

My beloved is on the east coast receiving some specialized training for his job, but I sure could have used him here today to kick some butt when my two middle muddles, Sauce and Rufus, couldn't get along for the life of them (for no particular reason at all, I might add).

In an attempt to "aid" their reconciliation, they spent quite a bit of time holding hands.  Then they graduated to sitting cheek-to-cheek when they still couldn't find love for each other.  Sauce was still having a hard time cooling down his hot temper, so I'm sorry to say that he was shoved out on the front porch (high temperature of 29 degrees today) and his fed up mother someone promptly locked the doors behind him.

He heard the muffled instructions to, "Calm the heck down!" through the door.  After about five minutes of teeth chattering, he came in to reluctantly make peace with his younger brother.

I thought I was feeling better, but tonight I can't take a breath without an over exaggerated coughing fit.

But since my beloved won't return until late tomorrow night, I'm heading upstairs to curl up with my body pillow that fills his vacant spot - and a healthy shot of Nyquil.

tips from a cheapskate

Dear Garage Sellers,

I'm writing to give you some helpful tips to make your garage sale a profitable success.

People like me who shop garage sales are cheap.  They are looking for a deal, or a steal, you could say.  The reason they get out of their warm beds early on Saturday mornings is because of the deals to be found.

Charging five dollars for a Hardy Boys book is just guaranteeing that I will laugh at you the buyer will put the book back.  It matters not that you paid over ten dollars for the book.  You are selling it at a garage sale, and buyers expect to pay under a dollar for a book.

Make deals!  If I'm holding an armful of stuff someone is interested in several items of clothing and you've marked them as two dollars a piece, cut a deal.  Motivate the buyer by throwing one in for free or coming down to a dollar or a dollar fifty.  If you stick to your price, I will only buy my very favorite pieces the buyer will most likely only buy what she cannot walk away without.

If you have less than 20 items to sell, and eight of them are miniature Christmas ornaments, don't bother advertising for or even holding a garage sale.  You'll most likely spend your morning getting a lot of drive by's.

If your goal is to get rid of your stuff, then get rid of it.  If you think your stuff is worth more than anyone else's junk retail prices, then maybe you should just open a store.

Good luck.  I'll see you next Saturday.
A Local Cheapskate

the festival

The famous Sundance Film festival is in town. Some people love it. They love the locals' ticket deals and looking for movie stars on Main Street.

Me... I pretty much get irritated with the additional traffic that adds ten minutes to my drive to swimming lessons. I feel angry at the gas stations that raise gas prices by 30 cents for the duration of the event - BECAUSE THEY CAN. And I get frustrated with the abundant limo services and out of state cars that have no idea where they are going.

So, I'm all for freedom of expression, but I miss my quiet little ski town.

The good news it that NO ONE comes here to ski this week. So there are no lift lines and plenty of parking spaces.

dear dental office

Dear Dental Office,

I am writing to request a change in your policy and procedures.

In the case that several staff members are sick and have gone home for the day with the small issue of vomiting up their breakfast and the actual dentist is feeling some symptoms and wants to go home early as well...

PLEASE do not call me to ask me if I can bring my three children in early for their cleanings.

That little piece of information is important to communicate to a mother of four young children so that she may make an informed decision whether she would like her children exposed to the nasty vomit germs.  And although we like our dentist very much, I would have preferred to delay our appointment so that he was not bending over my boys' faces while suffering the plague.

Oh, and I would have felt a lot better while cleaning up vomit last night if your office staff hadn't mentioned to another patient how sick everyone was feeling AS I WAS LEAVING THE OFFICE WITH MY CHILDREN.

Please consider this request and distribute the revised policy in triplicate to the front office staff.

Many thanks,
an overtired mother, sick of sick people who willingly spread their germs